A little snippet of my mostly finished stage play.

Chris:

Oh, good. While everyone is here I want to ask you something.  

Everyone looks at him.  He is nervous.  

What do you think of this joke as like an opening monologue to a roast or something.

The guy comes out…

 

Spencer:

That’s the joke?

 

Chris:

No Timothy Leary.  The guy comes to the microphone, podium, whatever first before he tells the jokes.

 

Don:

Walking out could be funny too if you add a little non verbal humor to it.

 

Chris:

No mimes please.  Anyway.

 

Peggy:

Don. Let Chris talk.  He’s trying to tell us.

 

Chris:

Thanks Mom.  Anyway.  The MC or whoever comes to the microphone.  He’s obviously nervous.

He says, (Quickly) My Mother-In-Law died and I stopped drinking.  I had little purpose in life since I could no longer be a disappointment.  He stops and looks at them.

 

Everyone silent for a few seconds.  Missy enters and stands by Rudy, etc.

 

Rudy:

Did Grandma die?

 

Missy:

Wait!  What?

 

Ashley:

No honey she’s fine. Turns to Chris.  Chris!  

 

Spencer:

I don’t understand.

 

Chris:

Of course YOU don’t.  No, see it’s a joke any comedian or whatever could tell.  It isn’t true.  It’s a joke.

 

Peggy:

I don’t think Ashley’s mother would find it funny.  Why are you doing jokes now?

 

Ashley:

Yes, why are you telling jokes?  

 

Chris:

You know.  That company dinner is coming up.  Glenn hates doing the MC thing.  I thought I could take it off his hands.

 

Ashley:

OK, then.  I wouldn’t use that joke.

 

Chris:

So no one liked it?

 

Rudy:

I like it if Grandma didn’t die.

 

Don:

I liked the bones of it, son.  It could be funny with some work.

 

Chris:

Good.  I have the ringing endorsement of two people with the minds of eight year olds.

 

Don:

See son, non show people think what we do is easy.  Because we make it look so natural.  Being creative is hard work.

 

Chris:

And you are in show business now?

 

Don:

I have a gig booked next month at the new pretzel shop opening at the mall.  If construction is finished.

 

Chris:

As Don The Mime?  

 

Don:

No. As Don The World’s Only Talking Mime.  I get a small stipend plus all I can eat.

 

Chris:

Wonderful.  Have Spencer The World’s Only Druggy Retired 70’s Hippie Throwback Business Magnate Living In A Trailer come along with you.  Then the whole town can see the craziness I deal with.

 

Spencer:

I don’t do drugs or alcohol.  I do life, man.

 

Don:

It’s a paid gig.  A start on a new career.

 

Chris:

Wonderful.  In this career you will not lack for pretzels. Throws up his hands.  Never mind everyone!  Forget I said anything.  Go back to whatever you were doing.  Everyone goes back to what they were doing before Chris told the joke.